Coming Out of Hiding

I am a bad bad blogger - I've been AWOL for the last 5 weeks or so. I just didn't know what to do! We have good news though, on February 25th we got a BFP!!! First two betas were at 46 and then 156. We've had two ultrasounds so far, one at 6w3d and another just this past week at 8w5d. Everything has been going along pretty smoothly. I haven't been experiencing any morning sickness (thank goodness!), but lately in the last two weeks I have had extreme hunger!



So I would like to apologize for not sharing the news sooner. We just really wanted to keep things under wraps for a little while longer until we had at least two ultrasounds under our belt. I probably would have waited another week or two but my husband was really enjoying himself this weekend at a wedding and in his exuberance he decided to post on facebook that he was going to be a dad. So the cat is out of the bag ...



I've started another blog where I'm going to be posting about how things are moving along with the little berry (even though its now the size of a grape apparently). I hope you'll stop by and visit me there too.

http://jakemerfamily.blogspot.com/?zx=3acdb316d9bb8574

Angry South Pole Elf

I was an angry angry south pole elf today. I don't know what crawled up my yoohoo and died but I was in a pissy ass mood today and nobody was going to say anything that was going to make me feel better...

Test day is still three days away. Haven't had any real noticeable symptoms that might give a clue as to what's going on. Had some cramps last week... a few this week (but that's been done before); and other than this moodiness today I feel fine.

Thankfully I felt better as soon as I got home from work. I think work is starting to stress me - I find that I have a shorter temper with the idiotic things that my coworkers sometimes do and then I have to go and fix it. The problem is that I don't express my frustration with them to them directly... I bottle it all up and then rant and rave in the privacy of my office. *sigh* I need to find a healthier outlet.

And It Gets Better!

My sister-in-law is pregnant... of course she is... why not right?

Another Rant About How Completely Unfair and BS this whole TTC thing is

Its been said time and time again on any infertility blog and I know I've said it many times on mine - This is not fair!

On Sunday we found out a friend of my husband's and his wife are pregnant... 7 weeks in fact... I'm happy for them, that's great news, but here's the kicker... They went off the pill in JANUARY.

*Silence*

Yup January... WTF??? And not only that she's a little off her rocker (actually diagnosed as off her rocker and has to take meds and that's not fun but I think that stuff messes with your fertility (in theory))... has done drugs... and they were going to split up like four or five months ago.

On Saturday my very well intentioned MIL said something about trusting in God... blah blah blah... I stopped listening right around that time and everything happens for a reason. Which, as a sidebar, I couldn't believe I was hearing from her because she experienced infertility and miscarriages herself.

Well with the news on Sunday I just don't know about this whole "Everything happens for a reason, trust in God" theory. It is a little shaky. I would like somebody to tell me what the reason is that after a year and 1/2 of trying we got pregnant but had a miscarriage. What is that supposed to teach me? What is another 9 months of TTC unsuccessfully supposed to to teach me? What is the reason for this? When there's a crackhead somewhere who is pregnant, continues to do drugs and is probably going to lose her kid to social services because her drug use and that kid is going to have probably a sucky ass life in the foster care system.

It makes me sad and pissed off.

On related news we have five more sleeps until official test day. I'm really proud of myself - I have not bought any poas tests and really haven't had a urge to buy... probably because I really can't handle that kind of disappointment in the middle of the week. If things don't work out, let me just say that this weekend is going to be ugly. I've already warned dh to have ice cream on hand and that I won't be presentable in public.