August 10, 2008

Its like waiting for Christmas... nervously

So remember when you were a little kid and when it got to December it was all about how many more big sleeps until Santa came and you would be able to open your presents and get all your new toys? I remember my parents telling me "Only 5 more sleeps until its Christmas!" and it truely felt like those five days would take forever to go by. As I've gotten older time seems to pass by more and more quickly. I started noticing that in college when months and semesters would go by faster than I realized. Now, being in the working world days, weeks, and months fly by and I'm constantly trying to get time back and slow the days down.

Lately I'm starting to feel time like a little kid again in particular aspects of my life. When I'm distracted by work and all the things that need to get done, the day goes by quickly. But when I have a moment to stop and think and maybe even look at a calendar it feels like each day goes by so slowly... We have our follow-up doctor appointment to go over the results of the tests that were done this month on August 21st. That's still 11 long days before we get details on the tests and what we need to do next. From what we've been told everything looks normal. To add to my day countings is that we are getting closer and closer to the end of my cycle and another chance to see if we were successful or not.

Its hard not to resist getting too optimistic too. We've been told that when you do the HSG test there's a greater chance of getting pregnant since the plumbing has been all cleared out. Plus I've been doing my OPK (ovulation predictor kits) this month and we've done a good job at timing it right around the LH surge. So like I said, its hard to ignore all these positive things and try not to hope just a little that this month might be different from all the rest. The worst part of it is though is that we still have five more big sleeps until we can find anything out. And hopefully when those five days are up I will have reason to wait another five days and take a test for some positive results (if you know what I mean)!

So here's to trying to stay positive but not getting your hopes up too high.

August 5, 2008

The Unfairness

So I know we've all been there, well maybe not all of us, but a lot of us. Wanting a baby and watching all your friends getting one. Well let me tell you. I think most of my friends at least have one, aside from Jenn, my bloggin buddy! But here's the thing. My cousin got married in June. She has made it well known that all she wants is a baby, first thing once they get married. A week after her honeymoon, she emails me about HOW UNFAIR IT IS that some people get pregnant in a week, and some it takes forever...this is 1 week AFTER her honeymoon...are you kidding me! I'm like, hey 18 mos here and still going!

Who would have guessed it when I see my cell phone ringing about an 1/2 hr cousin calling. Now what else could she be calling me for in the middle of the afternoon. YEP, SHE'S PREGNANT! What crap is that! Are you kidding me! Hell, I couldn't be more excited for her, honestly. But seriously...all I want to do is go home, crawl into a ball and cry and have my husband hold me. But no, Im at work and though Ive already cried here, just 1/2 hr ago...I will be working a very long week and there is no way I can go home. And my husband works nights, so no, he won't be there. So its me and my boys (Dutch and Bob, two beautiful Golden Retrievers!)

I know, Get a Grip and Get Back to Work!

August 1, 2008

Test #1

So yesterday was my first "real" visit to the fertility doctors and completed my first diagnostic test and hopefully one step closer to determining why my husband and I have not yet been successful in getting pregnant. I was scheduled for an HSG test (aka Hysterosalpingogram if that means anything to you...). Basically they shoot dye up into your lady parts while viewing it on an xray machine to see if there are any abnormalities and to make sure your fallopian tubes are open.
Going into this I was a little nervous. I have three friends who have gone through this test already and have given me a variety of feedback on what to expect. In the test instructions and what to expect it does say that mild discomfort and cramping is to be expected. Info from the friend arena varied from mild discomfort when the dye was going in but that was it all the way to imagine your worst cramps and multiply it by 10. Ok - so not quite sure what to expect. What nobody told me is that there was a possibilty that the set up they put you on actually will tilt so your pelvis is above your head... how's that for trying to maintain any kind of dignity?! Thinking back on it I just laugh because there's nothing else to do with it. Basically its done like a regular pevic exam, but then in order to get they dye to move up into the uterus and into the tubes they tilt you up. So now legs are spread to the world and its up in the air... oh joy... thankfully the doc that was supervising was very very nice and she chatted with me as if I wasn't in this ridiculous and rather embarrassing position with some person hanging out down there.
So back to this potential pain thing - again a little nervous because not sure what to expect... surprise surprise... no pain at all! Not even a little cramping. They kept asking me how I was doing and I wasn't feeling a thing. And I felt fine afterwards too! You have no idea how excited I was that I wasn't in any pain at all. It was my lucky day.
I must say it was very cool to see the dye go in (on the xray screen) and then watch it go into the tubes. Laidies - it does not look like it does in the biology books... the tubes are all twisty turny all over the place and everything looks so tiny! But I am happy to find out that upon initial review there were no tube blockages and everything looks normal. There's further analysis to be done, but it doesn't look like that's the issue.
I will mention that my husband had to drop the boys off for analysis and we are waiting to hear back on the results of that. I won't get into much detail for his sake, but let's just say that he's told me that producing the sample was not the easiest thing he's done lately since he could hear every person walk by the room he was in.
So we have our next followup visit in two weeks so we'll have to wait until then to find out results and get our next marching orders.