What do you want for Christmas?

So on Sunday we were over at my in-laws celebrating birthdays. Talk turned to plans for Christmas and in turn, what did we want for Christmas. Dh had been talking to his parents about the potential costs of treatments if this round or the next don't work. They offered to give us money for the treatments and the costs. It was very sweet of them. We told them let's wait and see and we should know if this worked before Christmas. On the way home dh and I were talking and realized they essentially offered to give us a baby for Christmas. Its cute I think - mom, dad, we want a baby for Christmas, if you could pay for that - that would be fantastic. :)

Tired

I'm tired. I'm tired of thinking about trying to get pregnant. I'm tired of worrying about what might happen if we do get pregnant and if I will carry to term this time. I'm tired of worrying about how I'm going to feel if this cycle doesn't work. I'm tired of trying to figure out when we're going to have sex this weekend and next while we have family in town. I'm tired of reading the posts in the chat groups and the blogs of the struggles of infertility. I need a happy thing to focus on. I just found out that a friend miscarried her baby at 17weeks. She was two weeks ahead of me when I was pregnant momentarily. Its not fair. You think that once you get a heartbeat then you're good to go, but I had a friend lose her baby at 11 weeks. Then you think well once you get out of the 1st trimester then you're golden, but thats not the case. You never know whats going to happen. I guess I'm truely starting to understand why they call this such a miracle. It seems like its a miracle that somebody can actually get pregnant, and then its a whole other miracle if you can make it through an entire pregnancy. I am tired of how impossible this all seems.

Why can't it be easy for everybody - its not fair. In reading another post I realized that there is more to my life than this, and up until May of this year there was more to my life. I am done worrying about this. I want to be able to talk to my friends about things other than getting pregnant.

Maybe I can't get pregnat because I can spell....

So during the course of me perusing some message boards about ttc I came across a bevy of horribly written posts. Not just gramatically but spelling too. It truly amazes me how bad some people are at spelling sometimes. I mean - seriously - you spelt that word wrong???
My case:

I was on bearth controle and got pregnat, I was trying for 2 yeas befor I ever did get pregnat. If your spost to have ababy you will. My sister in-law has tryed for 5 years and she found out she has to have invetroe.

I don't even know what to say to this... only there are people that can't spell who get to raise children. I know there's more to parenting than spelling but c'mon!?!? (I know, I just lost some heaven credits for this post)

Side Effects

So far have been on Clomid for two days, going to be taking third dosage this evening. Yesterday I was blessed enough to experience just of the wonderful side effects that are possible. My day started out with a headache - I didn't immediately attribute this to the clomid since I do get headaches on occasion, but I've decided in light of the other side effects I'll give clomid the credit. Then while my headache progressed to get worse regardless of the tylenol that I had taken, I started to feel slightly nauseous. Initially chalked that up to the fact taht I had eaten yet but since it persisted after eating and then reappeared later in the evening - clomid gets the credit. Then to top it off, last night dh and I were watching tv, having a nice relaxing evening, and WHAM! out of nowhere it felt like it was 100 degrees in our living room. Dh thought I was losing my mind when I frantically started asking him why it was so hot in here and didn't he feel the blast of heat... yup I got some hot flashes. Not fun in the least. (as a side note: I had to make an apologetic phone call to my mom today to say I was sorry for not taking hot flashes seriously when she had them).

Thankfully I haven't had the moodiness that other women I know have experienced, but hey its only three days in! We've got two more dosages to go Monday & Tuesday night! We'll see how the stress of a work day interacts with being on this wonder-drug.