Tired

I'm tired. I'm tired of thinking about trying to get pregnant. I'm tired of worrying about what might happen if we do get pregnant and if I will carry to term this time. I'm tired of worrying about how I'm going to feel if this cycle doesn't work. I'm tired of trying to figure out when we're going to have sex this weekend and next while we have family in town. I'm tired of reading the posts in the chat groups and the blogs of the struggles of infertility. I need a happy thing to focus on. I just found out that a friend miscarried her baby at 17weeks. She was two weeks ahead of me when I was pregnant momentarily. Its not fair. You think that once you get a heartbeat then you're good to go, but I had a friend lose her baby at 11 weeks. Then you think well once you get out of the 1st trimester then you're golden, but thats not the case. You never know whats going to happen. I guess I'm truely starting to understand why they call this such a miracle. It seems like its a miracle that somebody can actually get pregnant, and then its a whole other miracle if you can make it through an entire pregnancy. I am tired of how impossible this all seems.

Why can't it be easy for everybody - its not fair. In reading another post I realized that there is more to my life than this, and up until May of this year there was more to my life. I am done worrying about this. I want to be able to talk to my friends about things other than getting pregnant.