February 4, 2009


I don't want to do this anymore

I don't want to be hypersensitive to every single sensation that happens in my abdominal area

I don't want to be able to say off the top of my head exactly where I am in my cycle

I don't want to have to chart out my next two months to try and estimate what my cycle MIGHT look like so I can travel for some career development opportunities

I don't want to have be in limbo with my life anymore

I want to be able to have a beer at happy hour and not worry if I'm screwing something up

I don't want to do acupuncture anymore. The novelty is gone and now its just yet another medical appointment to go to.

I don't want people's pity anymore

I don't want for others to think I'm a hormonal mess

I don't want to spend loads of money that we don't have on cycles that only have a 15% chance of working. I can't let go of the fact that 15% chance of working means that there is a whopping 85% chance of it not working. If this were Vegas, I wouldn't be playing $500 hands for each round of play.


I don't want it to be just me and my husband for the rest of our lives. I want to enjoy all the things that come with raising children.

So what the heck am I supposed to do?


WhatAboutNovember said...

I know exactly how you feel. I've thought about this a lot in the last few months, and I've come to the conclusion that it simply is an impossible situation, and there's no easy way out. The only way out is through. It's worth caring about, worth being torn to bits about.

Have you ever heard the song "Here" by Rascal Flatts?

Hang in there.

Jenn said...

Thank you. I was having a rough day yesterday and my faith in everything was really struggling. I haven't heard that song, but I'm off to go look it up on iTunes.