I Am OK, I Promise!

So if you could hear the the two phone calls and subsequent voice messages I received from my sister-in-law and my mother-in-law this evening, you would swear that I had another miscarriage. I love them both dearly but I knew they would be calling and sound like this. You know how it goes... I'm so sorry, I don't know how you must be feeling right now, I know this is so hard... etc. I am not making light of this. I know they truly. I didn't answer because I was quite happy enjoying a nice relaxing bubble bath with a new book and I didn't feel like trying to convince yet another person that I AM OK. I'm not going to hurl myself off a cliff, I'm not sobbing in bed with the covers pulled over my head, I am not devastated.

I appreciate all of the kind words and the empathetic responses over the last day or so. I know that I have family and friends who really care about me. But sometimes its frustrating when I tell them I'm ok that I get the look of I don't really believe you.

I think that for the people who have not seen me in the last month it is harder for them to understand. Since the miscarriage in August I have been a mess. I am willing to bet that I was battling some depression. The holidays were rough on me. But over the last month something has changed. I don't know if it is the acupuncture or if it is just time passing, but I can think about the miscarriage and not get angry or sad about where I should be in a pregnancy that I didn't get to have; I can enjoy talking to my friends who are pregnant and hear about what they are going through without starting to think of what I didn't get to have and feel all sad and sorry for myself. I don't feel like I'm getting left behind. I have faith that this will happen for us.

So now that I've gotten all "zen" on you, you have to promise not to roll your eyes at me or think I've lost my mind if I go wonky in a week or so.