Apparently It Was Just My Eyes

So my post last week about seeing lines... apparently it was just my eyes. I used the last of my "+/-" tests on Saturday morning (which I still thought I could see a very very faint blue line, btw). So during our errands dh and I were out and about and stopped at Walgreens, we purchased the digital "word" tests, same brand (Clearblue) as the "+/-" since they were on sale. The digital package of 3 was actually cheaper than the nondigital pac of 3. Bizarre right? Well I've confirmed why I had the digital tests. Even though its very clear on what the result is, its so damn clear it sucks. Tested Sunday morning and got a Big Fat Not Pregnant. Booo, hiss... I don't like that answer. Dh had to talk me down off the ledge and tell me let's not get too worked up until Tuesday. There's a reason the RE's office says test on 14dpiui and not 11, 12, or 13 dp.

I am praying that there is still a chance that I'm a late bloomer and implantation just happened at the end of the week. But I can't quite get that nagging little voice in the back of my head to shut up. It keeps saying "just move on, give up on it already, if it was negative on Sunday, its going negative on Tuesday". Arrrggghhh! I'm trying so hard to stay positive but I'm starting to believe that it didn't work. Unfortunately because of the progesterone that I'm on AF won't show up until I stop it. Part of me wishes I could just have a "normal" cycle of clomid and IUI without the progesterone screwing with things. At least then I'd know if these "symptoms" I keep getting are due to progesterone or actually maybe being pregnant.

Speaking of these so called symptoms - my boobs have been hurting like they've never hurt before. I apologize for sharing too much info, but OMG they have never hurt like this for this long before. I take my bra off at night and it feels like I have 500lbs hanging from them and they're super super sensitive too. Then on Saturday I went to lunch and ordered a cheeseburger with avocado on it. Normally this is my favorite indulgence food but this time I took one bite and immediately felt nauseated and could eat any more of it. Just the thought of it made me quesy. But yet I was able to eat my fries - no ketchup tho, that wasn't tasting too hot either. So to me this says that just maybe things could have worked. I had my hopes up on Saturday but like I said earlier Sunday's test results said BFN.

I am very proud to say that I have one test left and I didn't use it this morning. I am waiting until tomorrow morning, or maybe even Wednesday (yeah I'm tempted to push this party out a little bit longer than 14 days). Part of me just wants to delay the inevitable BFN and subsequent depressive crash and having to tell people that its a no go again, and part of me is being hopeful that if I give it a little more time there'll be a better chance that there'll be more hcg in the system for a positive. I gotta say though, if it is negative I'm going to be pissed, especially since the last couple of days I have been miserable due to above mentioned symptoms.